Jumpei Kontani: The Power of Perspective

 You build character as a person, if you go through a lot of challenges. So like I would want people to more embrace their challenges and thinking that it's going to be, it's hard to see when they're in it, but in the long term coming, when you come out of the tunnel, you look back and like, Wow, did I go through that on my own?

And who helped me, you know, and who's going with me to the next level, you know. 

Welcome to This Way Up. We are bringing you engaging, informative, and inspiring conversations surrounding all aspects of mental health from the perspective of us as parents and caregivers. I'm Andrea Nenigian. And I'm Emmy Waters. When someone you care about is struggling with their mental health, this can be an incredibly stressful and challenging time.

So we're here to provide valuable resources to support you as you navigate this journey. 

Hey everyone, our guest today is Junpei Kontani and he was born and raised in Osaka, Japan. He moved to San Diego about 12 years ago and his personal story of growing up in Japan is one of resilience and courage. He navigated the complexities of his  And as an adult has found new perspective and healing through the practices of meditation and mindfulness.

Yeah. I mean, he is a successful real estate broker right here in San Diego. And I know that he has built deep relationships with his clients. I think it's because of his perspective on, on life and how he's been able to really make a beautiful, joyful life, even with the challenges that he incurred. So he has become known as the mindful realtor and we are so excited to bring him to you today.

Junpei, thank you so much for joining us and, and speaking with us today. This is going to be a ton of fun. Thank you for having me. I'm excited. Junpei and I met a few months ago at a real estate conference. And it was the last session of the conference, I think for both of us, I sat next to you and immediately I could just feel, I don't know, you just have a spectacular aura or vibe about you.

And I think as we were leaving. We said hello and talked about you being from Japan. And then from there, it was just very obvious your peace and calm that resonates from you. And you are very open about sharing some of your story as a young person growing up in Japan. I keep telling Andrew, I'm like, he's just so special. 

Thanks for wanting to know one. So I love that.  Um, love for you to share some of what you shared at that time too, just growing up in Japan and some of the things that you've come to see differently and heal through as an adult, I was born and raised in Japan and Osaka, Japan. And my father did a real estate.

He still does real estate, the investment side. And so I grew up fairly, you know, upper middle class, had a, you know, we do international trips every year and, um, yeah, I had a pretty good life, I would just say, and around the age of 10,  uh, my parents started fighting and, Things aren't looking so good and one day my mom took my brother and I and she goes I am separating from the father and that's when I was, you know notified and I just sobbed and sobbed Cried for hours soon after that my mom left but I felt kind of like like being responsible to stay with my father and Uh, instead of going with my mom, so I said, I'm just going to stay with my dad and my brother left with my mom.

So we kind of separated in two ways, my mom's side of grandma. So my mom's mom felt very like shameful that her daughter is misbehaving  and she's not coming home to take care of her husband. So what happened was my grandma, she lives in different province. She came to my dad's house every single day to clean.

To cook, to do everything that, you know, her daughter is supposed to be doing as a wife. And that's such an interesting thing about Japanese culture. I think shame and sense of duty is, it's different. It's, we don't, we have such a different experience of those, those roles and expectations here. Right.

Exactly. I don't know if Andrew is familiar with that, but it's so, it's so different.  I would like to get back, but I want to do it later. Get back to the shame and the impact that it had on you if you could look back. But let's finish up with your story. Okay. I'm old and I lose my sense of memory, so I may not come back to it.

So if I don't, I want to come back to it. We'll put a pin in it for you. Thank you.  And so, um, During that time, my, my brother was living with my mom and my mom had like three jobs trying to get the things going, right? Like life going for her because now she doesn't have any, anybody that's bringing in an income.

And during that time, my brother was actually living off of the microwave food and he felt very, um, Lonely. And he felt kind of like I abandoned him. I didn't go with him or with her. I just said, I'm going to stay with my dad. And so that will tie together later on. But he was kind of, you know, collecting and gathering his resentment towards me.

Is he older or younger? He's three years older than me. Okay. Okay. He feels like you abandoned him. That's what you said. I betrayed him. I betrayed him and then our mother, right? Yeah. So he's just like a bigger guy, bigger frame. And I'm just tiny little, I was always like a skinny one. And so after six months, I lived with my dad and my mom came to pick me up out of nowhere.

And she took me, uh, and because she moved closer to my dad's house, so that I would be willing to move there. And I moved in, and that's when literally, like, my nightmare started, which was a domestic violence relationship with my brother. And as soon as I got there, my brother was, what are you doing here? 

My mom was still working three jobs at a time. She was, you know, she never comes home. But my brother just started like really being violent towards me and it was accelerated very quickly. So where I felt most comfortable was in a toilet, like in a bathroom.  But Japan, we have bathroom and a toilet separately.

So bathroom is where you, you take a bath and then, you know, you  toilet is where you, you know,  it's separate. So,  but that place was. completely secluded, it's a closed environment, and I felt safe, right? So I did my homework there, I ate there, I was there, I just was so afraid of coming out of the toilet because when I do, then he's gonna grab my hair and like throws me on the wall or like punch me or And he doesn't punch places that he shows in public, right?

So he, he like kicked me on my stomach or like, and he's a big guy. I've been thrown, I don't know if you have had experience of being thrown to the wall, like a little object. Your body like literally shuts off. Like everything in your body is in shock. Because you're like just so much, you know, it doesn't happen often, right?

Like being thrown on the wall. So like your body, it literally shuts off and you're on the ground and you get this, like  trying to breathe and that led me to have more panic attack that happened for like almost three, uh, three years. He was beating me every day for like almost three years. And he sometimes used chairs.

He sometimes use anything to just beat me up. And um, it was rough. Probably like last  part of my experience with him was actually holding a knife when I go to sleep. Oh my gosh. Because he could come get me at any time. Because I don't, it's either he's gonna end my life or I'm gonna end his life. Oh my goodness.

Did you share this with anyone at that time?  Not really. You know, in Japan, it's more about like being a part of family that is divorced or, you know, like single mom family, it's not really respected. You know, when you're a kid, that's all, you know, you don't know any better. So like, even when it's not something that even if I shared with somebody.

I don't know if I was able to help. That makes sense. Yeah. Especially if you've got that sense of shame, not necessarily for you, but the whole cultural piece of that shame. Yeah. It wouldn't feel safe. I wouldn't imagine to be able to share anything of what's going on because you're going to endure more shame.

At least that's what you think. Would anticipate I would think I think it was a shame for like not for me but towards my mom I think I wanted to respect my mom. So if I did speak up then probably i'm, you know, we say mudding people's face  That's A lot. I can't even imagine. Then that ended at some point because you went to school.

Did you move? No, I, this is like a whole, I'm going to share the whole story if you don't mind. Yeah. I had a cell phone when I was 11, I think. We already had social media. And I met somebody on social media and I left  that day.  Really? And how old were you at this point? 14. Oh, wow. You were young. I didn't tell anybody.

I just, Um, because whether I'm going to be killed  or  moving along, you know, so I, I actually moved in with this person right away the day I met the person I just moved in. Wow. And did you, so you didn't tell anybody,  did they come looking for you? My mom was freaking out and I, my friends, cause we had a mutual friend with that person that I went to live with.

So she finally found out where I was. And, uh, I came back after like a month and a half or two months. Wow. Yeah. So from your parents point of view, it was like you ran away. Correct. Wow. Yeah, and I don't think she knew exactly what was happening because that domestic violence stuff never happened before in my mom's eyes.

I don't know if she even felt like it was such a big deal. So when you went back to your mom's house or to your dad's house? No. So I met this person on social media and I lived with him and he was 31  and he became like my mentor  because at that time, My mom spoke really poorly of my dad, so I didn't feel like I should be spending time with my, my dad.

I felt guilty spending time with my dad, and I didn't know anybody that I can follow as a male figure. And so this person, he was 31 at the time, was, he became my mentor, and he became my male figure. And I saw him working really hard. So after I came back from that trip, I got a job in a restaurant. So I was always, I go to school and then job school and I think at the end of the year, I had like three different jobs, anything to keep you away from being home.

Right. And they also make you money because I knew at the time, if I'm the one who's earning money, then I can kick him out if I want to. That's pretty insightful. Yeah. So if I'm the provider, then they can mess with me. You know, he can't not mess up with me. So. It's a lot of pressure. What a difference. I mean, it seems like it was almost overnight for you to go from what appeared probably in your mind is a very stable, typical childhood, right?

And then overnight, you're, you're now thrown into a world that is so different than what you have ever experienced. It had to have been terrifying. Yeah, and for a child, I would think that would translate to a feeling of I'm not safe. I don't know where my foundation is and what I can lean on. Yes, correct.

Yeah. Wow. And at this time in Japan, would you have sought out a therapist? Would that have been something available to you? Probably not.  And I don't think it's a culture that embraces therapy per se. Oh still? Really? I don't think so. No, therapy is not a thing. Yeah. So private. Right. Correct. You don't talk about it.

So I just didn't even think about like, you know, approaching to somebody or adult to help me. And you're so open now and you're so, um, authentic with, with your story.  It's interesting to see that, you know, coming from where your foundation was that this isn't talked about. This isn't what we do that you're now just so again, authentic with your, with your story.

It's impressive. I always thought you would just. I have to go through it  and not in the negative sense. So even that time when I was like really going through craziness, I didn't think I was the poor one. I always thought my brother was a poor one. Really? And yeah, when I was probably like nine or 10, I was taking this extra curriculum and this girl, she stood up and she went in front of the room and she sharpened her pencil.

She came in front of me and I stubbed my head. out of nowhere and then here I am like looking at my hand like it's sticking up and I don't remember anything outside from like crying really a lot and next thing I realized was like my mom rushing into the classroom and it saw me and I saw her and And I went straight to that girl and I go, are you okay? 

What's going on? She asked the girl if she was okay. Right.  And to me, it was very, I was very hurt that moment because I was like, here is my hero came to save me and didn't even, you know, she glanced over me, but went straight to that girl and like, tell me what's going on. Like what is going on in your life?

So that I always kind of knew subconsciously, the one who hurts the most needs most love. Hmm. Right? So even when I was getting hurt, I knew my brother needed it most help. It wasn't me because I had enough love. That is an amazing perspective for a young person. And it's so  beautiful that you can pinpoint a moment as a child when you were taught that from your mother.

You know, when we, we, we hear stories a lot, Emi and I do, um, obviously of parents that have children that are struggling with their mental health. And a lot of times because their brains aren't fully developed, they don't understand what's going on. They act in such a way. inappropriate ways, right? They, they, they have tantrums or they, you know, they lash out or whatever.

And I think that what you just said with those who hurt the most are the ones that need the most love. I think that's just an amazing thing that should be imprinted on everybody's mind because we just don't know what's going on behind the scenes. Right. It is interesting. Yeah. That's, that's a beautiful perspective and interesting that you remember that moment and are able to translate, you know, translate that into your thoughts of today. 

We're going to put that on our t shirt.  Looking back, um,  gave me like appreciation for what I already, what I'm already have now,  you know, coming from where I was in the past to where I am today. Bye. So, just looking back, like, overall, everything that happened was supposed to happen. And then, nowadays, I don't call it, like, challenges, like, what darkness or negative, you know, incidents.

I just call it a medicine. I didn't want to take it, but it was a bitter experience for me, but I needed to, for me to grow as, you know, as a person and spiritually. So I'm very grateful for my brother. Yeah, he's your teacher now. Yeah. Did you have anybody talking to you about this concept when you were younger?

Because it just seems amazing to me that such a  young person knew this. Was anybody coaching you along the lines or was this just really something that you just  No, I think that's where my grandma comes in. Okay. So both of my parents are entrepreneurs. My mom wasn't really successful at it, but she kept trying, right?

Um, so they were never home. And then my brother was older, so he had his friends and like, you know, his club and things. But I spent a lot of time with my grandmother. And who is like, she's never had a job. I don't think she's just was always a healer, a healer, a healer, energy healer. Can you share what that is?

I'm not sure that a lot of people know what that is. Right. Um, energy healer, um, it's pretty common in Japan. It's very difficult to grasp for people that is, um, very scientific based. This is what my grandma does. My grandma goes to someone's house or hospital and then does singing and then prayer and she basically hovers her hand over people's body that's hurting and she heals it.

And I'm pretty sure there's a lot of placebo effect. That takes place, but also you can actually, even you close your eyes closed, you can see her hands like hovering certain part of your body. You feel like warmth. You feel like a little like sticky energy. And that's what she does. So just spending time with my grandma, just holding her hand and taking trains.

Many, many trains to go to different places, hospitals and people's houses, and she does that and we go home. Is it Reiki? Is, does she do Reiki? It's very close to Reiki. Yeah. Okay. Wow. I know. And her, her message is very, um, very simple. She goes, Sekai Ichirutsu Miya Kyoudai means the world. It's all brothers and sisters. 

And she has so many like bits and pieces of like wisdom every single time I talk to her. Right. So the way she raised me, what's that? Like, I just.  was in her presence and I think even when I was going through a hard time like I knew my programming was already set in so strong like in such a way that I'm not the one who's hurting, you know, if anything I'm like the healer. 

I didn't think about it, no, at a time but I'm like, yeah, this is what my brother has to go through and I have to go through with him because I'm his brother. Yeah. So she was your light.  Absolutely. Wow. What an amazing balance of an opposite, right? That on one hand you go home and your brother's beating you, but then at the end of the day, you can end up with your grandmother who's light and wisdom and healing.

Right. Yeah, I didn't see her that during the time though. I think around the age like 11 to 14 I just was so I think I was hurt and I think I kept with Everything within myself and I just acted like i'm a cool kid I didn't really go to school like middle school. Like I thought it was kind of Nah, like I don't belong there.

All these kids are having,  I really didn't go to school because I just didn't see any point in like hanging out with all the friends that have their life together. You know, I felt like I was this black sheep that has a really like poor family and like, you know, and dealing with my brother, it's just like, it was a lot for me.

I didn't really go. Yeah. Yeah. So you see the turning point then is when you, um, left for that month and a half, you kind of  readjusted your thinking and then came home and just started working. Would that be the time that you think that you had the turning point? Okay. So I'm going to tell you the whole story and you can edit it out or not.

Okay. This might be a little bit much for a lot of people. Um, I met the person in social media. And he became like my, like, sexual partner.  So it was that intent of like, okay, let's meet up. Right. I didn't know anything. I was 14. It could have been men or women. And this person happened to be available. So I went to hang out with him.

And my first experience was with him. And he was 31 at a time. So, like, looking back now, like, he was my, like, first boyfriend. Per se, right? And I felt very safe with them. I felt for the first time being acknowledged and being able to be just a kid that I am instead of putting up all this, you know, masks of like, okay, I need to be, you know,  Be, I'm a little kid, I'm a 14 year, right.

And when I tell this story to people, especially in this country, people like, that's that child abuse. You know? That's what I was gonna say. He was 31. I'm one now, I  way I'm, I can't even consider like dating or having any of that experience with 14-year-old. Yeah.  Right. It's like a predator. He took advantage.

Right. That's what people always say, but. Do you feel like he did?  No, not at all. I still super close with him. That's interesting. I felt so much respect towards them. He had a very successful company, he had a bunch of employees, and he introduced me as his son because we have 18 years difference. Right.

And I felt like I was under someone's, like, this big guy's wing, you know? And then I felt like I was very taken care of. So I feel very proud of Pete to be with him. Mm hmm. Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that. I think that's like the whole, um, Like experience on its own for me to go therapy, right? To like uncover like what I was actually happening at the moment.

Yeah. But anything was better than  like living in the house with my brother that's abusive. Yeah. And here this guy is like, This trooper gentleman, he like gives Ms. Hayes shelter and food. His parents are so sweet to me and I feel very safe in taking care of.  Curating these valuable conversations is really about our shared passion for promoting mental wellness.

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Please visit our website at thiswayuppodcast. com to support this community. We thank you and we appreciate you.  So you mentioned therapy. Did you do therapy in Japan at all or did you do it once you got to the States? so much. I have not done any therapy until this moment. Oh, you haven't? Oh, I thought you just said something about therapy.

I did, but I haven't got into therapy. It's your own therapy, yourself. Right. Yeah, I do meditation a lot. And then during meditation, I I feel like I'm own therapist. Yeah. Can you talk more about that? When did you start meditating and how did you develop that practice? When I went to college at age 19,  I took a, a yoga class as I elective, and, uh, my teacher, uh, I think first day or second day of class, she stood up on the math and she like, did this thing. 

And she started chanting, Bandei Gurunam Charanaramente And she was like, Shashtanga Yogi. And that was like, lighting to me. It was like, wow! Like, this is what I want to do. And I became a huge yogi after. And just, I just did a lot of yoga, a lot of meditation. And I also loved, uh, traveling. So I traveled around the world.

I probably went to close to 40 countries. Yeah. Most of which I hitchhiked. Oh my gosh.  You've lived five, six lives already it seems like. I was going to say, are you going to write a book one day? I think yes. Yeah. And you know, I got to experience many places through yoga and hitchhiking. There's more than what we see and what we know as life.

You know, there's something greater. You know, that's, I think that's when I was really awakening as a spiritual being. And after probably good five, seven years of your practice of yoga and meditation, I did vipassana,  which is silent meditation. I did in Thailand. I stayed in a monastery for about 20 days.

Um, absolutely no communication with humans, like no phones, no eye contact, no singing, no writing, no, you can't talk, uh, you can't  express any communication towards anybody. No eye contact. I've never heard that. I've heard of silent retreats and things, but no, no, no, absolutely no eye contact, no journaling, nothing.

You just sit. With your thoughts, that's it. Okay, tell me about that because I don't know if I'd want to sit with my thoughts. 

Yeah, no, seriously, it's challenging for a lot of people. People sign up for a week or, you know, two weeks or three weeks, but just can't stay. They just literally go nuts. So what do you do? Do you just eat and sit? They'll feed you at 7 a. m. and 11 a. m. The rest of the day you just meditate. Oh, it's also kind of a fasting experience then.

I guess intermittent fasting you can say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Do they teach you how to do this or do you come in it? Come in already prepared knowing how you're going to, they teach you, they teach you, but knowing your style and meditation practice already, you know, part of your like routine definitely helps.

I also teach meditation every Monday to realtors and I use that technique to people. I teach those things that I learned from the monks. But mostly just you sit, uh, or you, you sometimes you also do walking meditation, like walk so slowly. Every step is a conscious step and you feel every single edge and corner of the sole of your feet touching the floor.

And you know, that's also part of meditation. It's mindfulness. So I think for me was not knowing who I am and not being able to explore who I am as a child. That took me to this like spiritual path to yoga and meditation. And that's when I finally realized the magic and the importance of my, what my grandma does.

Right. Because that's something that my grandma did. And of course I did because, you know, as soon as I turned like 17 or 18, she took me to her shrine every month for the training. And so I feel very connected very quickly. What do you think you learned when you were there? I mean, that's a long time to be there.

You know, what I've done, that's one of the practices and experiences that I had, you know, and every time I go to retreat, every time I go hide in the woods, every time I do any of this stuff, I think it really, really comes down to mindfulness  and present moment. What does that mean to you? Like, how would you explain that to an average person?

So if you think about. The word present, right, the present moment, present, it literally means a gift,  right? It's a gift moment. And then to, for you to be able to tap into that, you need to be in the present moment, which is now, right now, right here, nothing else. You are not a mother, you are not a father, you are not a child, you are not a realtor, you are not a this and that.

You are just a human being as a spirit experiencing the human experience and that's it. You are just there and here.  And to me, the reason why I love teaching meditation is because people are so, and having all this childhood drama that, that happened to me too, like, I didn't have access to present moment because I was  constantly stressed.

I was constantly worried about my safety. I was constantly worried about where I can get. Money from food from shelter from I'm always in survival mode and I didn't even think about okay Let's drop everything and just sit down and being present moment, you know, like no, I can't afford that you know, and I think a lot of People, us, myself included, get caught up in this day to day, and we are so good at being human doing, and we are terrible at being a human being.

Yeah. And one breath at a time, just one layer at a time, let's come back to the present moment. And that's what I learned from Vipassana, from all the retreats. Any, anything I do, any practice I do, I come back to the present moment. It's just very basic, like right here, right now, this present gift moment.

When you're in the present moment and you're using that intentionally, let's say you're in the middle of a stressful situation and you are sitting still or breathing very mindful of the moment, what do you think has shifted in you? When you are in a very stressful moment, what you see is a tree that's standing in front of you.

Right? Well, when you are in the present moment, and when you're so mindful, uh, of your thoughts, of your emotion, and what's really happening, what you can control, what you can't control, you can actually see the broader perspective, uh, in other words, you're looking  down on the forest, right? So you're not looking at the tree, but you can, you're looking down on the forest.

You can actually guide yourself through that quite easily because you're not like caught up in this.  Stress. So. To me, when I meditate, even, I'm in real estate, I'm always, I'm battling with stress all the time, I sit down, I sit my butt down on the floor, and I meditate. And it can be sports, it can be listening to music, it can be, A different modality for different people.

For me, works best when I'm either sitting on the floor meditating or jumping in the ocean.  So it's also, yeah, a distraction and a separation from the current context and thoughts, a broader perspective. Emi, you know when, Um, if I would have known this, I mean, this was around 10 years ago when we were going through our stressful situations here at home, I think it would, it would have been a gift back to your, your terminology given to myself because I would get so caught up in what's going to happen,  things that I could never control.

What's it going to be like in, in 10 years? What's it going to be like next year? Oh my gosh, blah, blah, blah. And to be able to sit down and just focus on the moment is huge. In a parent in helping themselves and their child and realizing that the world's gonna be messy. Yeah. You can't control it. Focus on the now, what can you control now?

Right. And you can control how you think. Absolutely. And then one thing that you mentioned about child.  You know, as a child, you look up to your parents like a perfect figure, right? So, to me, I thought my parents are perfect.  They just, just, they're just like, they can't be more perfect than they are. And so, seeing them falling apart was hard.

And for my parents to be my age now, and acting like perfect parents, and not being transparent with their child, Because they need to have certain image of parents to their child was hurting me because I wish my father was being more transparent and honest with me about what was happening. I wish my mother was being transparent with me during COVID.

I felt very lonely. I felt lonely and I felt loneliness for the first time in years, which is very rare to say, but because I suppressed that emotion so hard. Yeah. Not to feel it.  Like loneliness wasn't in my dictionary because you would not, you can't afford to feel lonely. You gotta keep going. And I was sitting down, I talked to my friend Valentino, and he's like, okay, Junpei, when was the first time you felt loneliness?

And I'm like, I don't know, like, what kind of question is that? So I'm like, I don't know, but I'll meditate tomorrow morning about that. That was a brilliant question that he asked you. Right? Right? Yes. And I meditated on it, and I was sitting down, and I was like, when is the first time I felt loneliness? It took me back to when I was.

In my dad's house, after their separation, waiting for my dad to come home. And during this period of like, you know, I get off school around 12, 12. 30, gets to my dad's house,  and my dad comes home around between 7. 27 and 7. 30. It's always that, in that window. And I am waiting, and then waiting, and then waiting.

Just binge watching Cartoon Network. Just Doing nothing but on the couch and watching this TV like mindlessly and I felt so much air Going through my heart. I don't feel like I felt like I was just only a person on the planet So I found him sitting on the couch and I sat down with him during the meditation session, right?

And I go, Hey, buddy, like, what are you, what are you doing? Like, why don't you just go out and play with your friends? Like, you still got like a lot of time. And he goes, no, I'm just waiting for my dad. And I go,  I know, but you have like six hours, you have six hours to play and you can play as hard as you want.

You can still come back and you might, your dad won't be there. Like, just go play. He was like, no, no, no. It's okay. I'm just going to watch this TV. And so I had this dialogue going back and forth with him.  I finally asked, why are you staying here? You know, why are you here waiting for your dad? And he goes, because it's my fault.

It's my fault that my parents got separated. It's my fault that all this thing happened. And I just, that was breakthrough moment for me. And till that moment, till like couple years ago, I always thought the divorce of my parents are my fault. So I wish going back, my parents would have told me it wasn't.

Oh my gosh, made us cry. I know. 

Yeah, I don't have anything to say about that.  But I think you're giving some really good advice though, is I think as parents, we oftentimes  shield our kids from big girl and big boy problems, you know, and, um, how kids internalize that is so vastly different because their minds aren't as developed as, as ours are.

And they always tend to blame themselves because that's all they know. Right. Well, and that's interesting though, too, as, as we talk about how to help people, right, is You were able, by quieting your mind, to go to a place and identify where you needed to be healed. And some people really aren't, don't like therapy, don't like talking about it, and in order to be healthy and in the right state of mind is to really find where that pain is coming from.

It's powerful. What made you talk to yourself when you were in that meditation? What made you want to talk to that little boy? I've never been asked that question, like, when is the first time you felt loneliness? And um, I'm like, I just went to that visualization of like, when, because during meditation, that's something that you can do.

It's being like, you know, imagine that you are in this place, you're listening to the ocean crashing in the wave, that wave crashing on the beach and that, that, that, right. So you can actually visualize yourself. Almost as if you were there and so I did that and I just saw myself sitting on the couch and I wasn't the one who's sitting on the couch.

I saw myself sitting on the couch, so I wanted to have a chat with him and it was just natural curiosity. I'm like, Oh, he's there. Like, he just. You know, pretty sure he's willing to talk to me, but I still think that I've never done therapy, but I still think there are many things that I haven't uncovered and it can be healed, right?

Not just this one is a example of loneliness, but everything else. Uh,  right. So I.  I'm not opposed to therapy at all. I think people should go in and talk about their experiences and like, yeah, understand that because so often we make up. A lot of stories in our head that is not even true and just talking about it and like, Oh, wow, actually. 

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm getting that perspective, but that was such a powerful story and experience that I mean, some people need therapy to go there, but you had that on your own. You had the meditation as the vehicle. You know, so therapy or meditation, I just like the thought that what you explained is something that we can do, anyone can do, you know, you identified the feeling you felt in the moment and you thought back to when you first felt it.

And then you got really quiet and still, and that's when you were able to have that healing experience. That's amazing. I love that we can share that with other people. I love that. Yeah, I think, you know, this interview for me, even also, like, even, you know, talking about myself in public, I've never done, right?

If I can share my experience, if I can share, you know, like things that people don't even share publicly, That, because there's a lot of shame around that, right? We can bring that light, if we can bring that, yeah, like insight to anybody. That's just, to me, that's a healing. It goes back to what your grandmother said, we're all brothers and sisters in, in this world.

Yeah. And I think the more that we can share and the more that we can connect. And bring that authenticity and intimacy into relationships, the healthier we'll all be. Yeah. I think that, yeah, the idea that everyone is connected, that's always been so meaningful to me when in a professional context or even a personal context, my brain cannot process meanness, mean people, mean spirited behavior.

If we're all connected, how could you be so mean? I love that your mission is the mindful realtor in San Diego. How do you define that to someone? If you were standing up in a conference and you're going to say, this is what I stand for. This is what I want to bring to this group. What would you say? What does that mean?

You know, I've asked that question many times. What is mindful? Mindful anything, right? Like what is mindfulness?  It's just being aware, period. Mindfulness is to be aware. Um, your emotion, other people's emotion, what is happening and what's not happening. Going back to the using that mindfulness, the awareness to come back to the present moment and what really truly matters at this moment.

If I were to speak in front of a stage, I'll probably say mindfulness is a tool to come back to the present moment so that you can be aware.  The situation and. What is most aligned with the highest vibration, which is love. I love that. I've never said that before. I don't know. I love it.  Well, now it's recorded. 

Yep. You'll be quoted and recorded.  I think that stillness and that ability to observe.  Um, even your thoughts, too, is just so helpful and transformative. Junpei, if somebody's listening and wants to try meditation for the first time, how can you give some wisdom on how somebody can start that? There's many, many tips. 

First tip I would say is Don't think about meditation as a tool that you use to get to a certain destination because meditation is a practice. You can never be professional at meditation, just like yogi. You will never be a master yogi. You are always going to be practitioner. So when you start meditation, it doesn't matter if it's 30 seconds of silence or if it's 30 minutes.

The fact that you are being mindful to the, uh, the present moment already is a practice. So eating without cell phone, you know, like talking to your friends without distraction, that's already very meditative. I wouldn't stress about, Oh my gosh, I have so many thoughts in my head or things like that. And if you want to do traditional meditation, which is to sit down and then meditate, you I would probably play very calm music, uh, calming music.

There's so many songs and music out there that you can utilize, uh, and then shut the exterior noise and, and the many guided meditations, apps,  Spotify.  There's so many. I'll probably use those  and do it little by little that way. Okay, you're gonna really, you're gonna see how much of a novice I am with this.

Every time I try to meditate, I fall asleep. Oh, that's great. It is? That's great. No, it's amazing. Oh, I felt like a failure because I was like, I couldn't even get through it. I was asleep.  No, no, I fall asleep too sometimes. Oh, you just validated me. Thank you. 

We've come full circle.  No, it's totally fine. Like, uh, you fall asleep. Um, you know, that's what people think about meditation being like,  Perfect. You know, I'm sitting down. I'm sitting, crossing my legs on the floor and like, I have no thoughts in my head and you're a little perfect. Hello.  I'm, I'm levitating.

Like, that's not how it is.  That's not how it is. You, we, we all fall asleep. You know, we all have thoughts in our head. And if you ask me, how could you not to fall asleep, maybe I will say take guided meditation. Good. Don't sleep it. Don't lay down in your bed while you're meditating.  That might be the problem right there. 

You said get comfortable.  Right. Um, but you know, a lot of people go, go to sleep with a lot of stress. So that's amazing. I mean, if you actually fall asleep. while you're meditating because the intention of it too. Wow. I'm, I'm feeling so good about myself right now because I've, I tell you, I was like, Hmm, I'm feeling a little, a little, uh, insecure around the gym with all your meditation.

I'm like, I keep trying. Along those lines though, Andrea or Junpei, how do you know if you're doing it? What would be,  what would be the measurement of I did it? I meditated. Well, sometimes I sit down for 20 minutes. Yes. And then making myself crazy with thoughts. Yes, I do that too.  Oh my gosh. I just, oh, one, like I get out and like, man, I can not meditate today, you know?

And that's okay. Okay. And that's completely okay. So like I said, meditation is not a perfect meditation. If I could say one thing, if you are into something really, you're doing sports, you're doing something really. 100 percent giving 100 percent of your energy and you're not thinking about anything else.

That's a meditation for me. Yeah. Like pickleball.  I keep saying that's like a meditation. You can't think about anything when you're playing pickleball. It's just the ball.  I was just thinking about your question a little while ago, Emmy, where you said, or maybe it was just a comment you were saying that, you know, the kids, how do you, how do you get their buy in?

And they just think it's like, you know, just terms. Well, I was just thinking about what you were talking about with mindfulness and this would work with kids that are younger than. 11 maybe,  just taking them on a nature walk and pointing out, having them point out the details of the leaves and of the bugs and of the, you know, rocks and, and just taking them through a very quiet walk where they're noticing everything would be a way to slip it in there.

Almost like you slip in broccoli or spinach into there. That's a great idea.  That's a great idea. Thank you. Good job. Yeah. I know. I'm feeling so good. She's getting it.  I love meditating. I, I have actually, I'm that doofus who has like this cute little Japanese pillow that I sit on. Actually, I got it for my son, but he went to college and left it home, so now it's mine.

And the problem is, is I sit down to meditate and my dog thinks that that's playtime. So she's licking me and licking. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I can't get, I can't, I can't focus. And then I'll close my door and then she's on the outside scratching. So inevitably I have to figure out how to meditate with my dog bacon.

It's very distracting. Maybe you could pet her and that would be part of your meditation and  I'm stroking each and every one of her  furs,  pieces of her. Yeah. She'll love that. And also like, no, no, Andrea, I think you're right. I think focusing on one thing can be so, so helpful when you're meditating. One of the things, the easiest thing is breathing.

You count your breath. You count your breath. One, two, three. You know, for like 3, 2, 1, 3, 2, 1, it doesn't matter how you count it, just counting and being aware of your breath, like, okay, that's the only thing you think about. It's so helpful. If you, uh, by, you know, I live by the water, so I go to the ocean and I listen to the water.

That's the only thing I'm listening to. It's like, really, my eyes are closed and my only thing I can hear is the ocean and they're focusing on the ocean sound. That is so helpful. Some people just looking at the candle,  their eyes open looking at the candle.  Um, one book I read, um, it talks about, you know, the magnifying glass.

Yeah. You can actually burn something with it.  If you focus on one thing. Really? Right. So yeah, you know how you take on this under the sun, you can actually. Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. Now I'm sorry. Yeah. That'd give you a context, but Yeah, you can actually burn something with the, the, the ray of sunshine with the magnifying glass, right?

If it's focused on one thing. That's a great analogy. I'm going to have to cut that out because I literally thought you meant that if you focused that you would be able to burn something  with your laser eye. I was. I was like, really? Yeah. Okay. I'm going to look that up when we get done. That's why that retreat doesn't allow eye contact. 

Oh my gosh. Right? Sorry. Eye eyeballs,  . I was like, what in the world?  . Hey, crazy things happening in the world. Crazy things. Stuff in the world. Well, you know, they, we hear about all of the benefits of these cold plunges,  and I've done too, and I know that's, they know there's physical components, but I can tell you I can't think of anything.

When I go into a cold plunge. Yeah. So maybe your point of jumping into the ocean, especially the Pacific ocean would also be a place where you just can't really think you might be right. You might be on the right path.  I'm coming up with all of these good theories right now, but,  but I don't think when I'm in those, like I just did one last week and I was like, okay.

Yeah. Cause you're just focusing on trying to breathe, right? You really are, which I think is so powerful. Hey, you're forcing yourself to, to, to focus on breathing. Yeah. Right. Right. I love this. Yeah. Just focusing on one thing. That would be like my quick tip for like newer meditators. And again, like I've been meditating for, I don't know how many years, like over 10 years.

I still get distracted. That's so good to hear.  It makes me feel so much better. This is amazing. One of the biggest takeaways for me on a personal level is the reminder as a parent to speak more freely and share with my kids. Especially when, because I know I'm doing it, there's a part of my life as we speak right now.

Where I know I'm shielding some things because I don't want to make my kids worry.  And so my intent is good. And I've seen in past examples in our lives where I realized I had the best intent and they say, no, that actually caused more harm. We would have liked to have known X, Y, and Z.  So thank you for reminding. 

Thanks for reminding me. And thank you for sharing because I, I go back to what we said earlier was you sharing them. Is validating to others and allows them to feel comfortable sharing, or maybe not sharing, at least acknowledging. They're not so alone in this world. Right. Right. And I think one last thing I want to say is that it's okay to experience whatever you're experiencing, but don't stay there.

What I see my friends that used to hang out in my house, you know, they had a divorced parents and they're still kind of doing the same thing  and they're not really both as a person. And I. Look at it and thinking, wow, like I wish you came with me, you know, I'm not saying any I'm not I'm better or worse It's just  I think people Lose hope in in the world, you know, and I just think that  More challenging your life is the more interesting your life is  And I wouldn't want to watch a movie of this person growing up in a very wealthy family and had everything and did nothing and died, rather than, like, you know what I mean?

Like, I want to see, wow, wait, hold on, what happened next? And then wait, what? On top of that, you know, your life is just getting more interesting. And you build character as a person if you go through a lot of challenges. So like I would want people to more embrace their challenges and thinking that it's going to be, it's hard to see when they're in it.

But in the long term, coming, when you come out of the tunnel, you look back and like, Wow, did I go through that on my own? And who helped me, you know? And who's going with me to the next level? You know? Yeah. It's like yes and. It's a yes and mentality. Right. Right. So all the kids that are going through hard time and all this stuff, like, Hey, I get it.

You know, I've been through it. And you can also do anything you want in the world. It just nowadays sucks, but it shall pass. Thank you. Perfect ending. Thanks, Junpei. That was amazing. 

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